Screen Queen: Boat Story, Amanda & Alan’s Spanish Job, Good American Family, The Residence

Boat Story

Sunday, 9.05pm, ABC

Back in the day, Sunday night on ABC was THE night to watch the box. We’d all be glued to our screens as Colin Firth walked fully clothed out of a pond, or Gary Sweet rappelled down a cliff to rescue someone. Don’t even get us started about the time Diver Dan packed his bags for the Galapagos Islands — we’re still unpacking that one in therapy.

Sadly, those days of “destination TV” are long gone, though Severance, the excellent series currently dropping its second season weekly on Apple TV, is doing its valiant best to keep the tradition alive. Hurry up, Fridays!

After watching the first episode of this fantastically dark drama, I can see viewers tuning in religiously each week for this, too. It had me, hook, line and sinker from its opening moments.

Described by one reviewer as evoking Quentin Tarantino, Wes Anderson and the Coen brothers (all at once? Um, yes please!), it centres around two strangers, Samuel (Paterson Joseph) and Janet (Daisy Haggard), who stumble across a capsized boat early one morning while they’re walking their dogs.

Inside the boat are two dead bodies and a shed-load of cocaine — and there’s not a soul in sight. They’re faced with a conundrum: phone it in to police (the sensible thing to do) or walk away with the life-changingly huge haul of drugs, making good on the profits.

Needless to say, they choose the second option — and the drama begins.

If there’s one thing I know, it’s that when you find an abandoned boat full of cocaine, it’s for certain that someone not so nice is going to come looking for you sooner or later.

This is a tense, darkly funny and fiendishly clever drama that will have you hooked right from the start. Though a word of warning: it is often incredibly gruesome to watch. Try to avoid the urge to binge this one — it’s much more satisfying to guess what’s unfolding week by week.

You can thank me later.

Amanda & Alan’s Spanish Job

Streaming on Foxtel and Binge

I’m obsessed with the idea that one day I might renovate a run-down home in Italy that I’ve bought online for €1. Oh, the things I would do if I had the money! Which I do — that’s $1.72, though obviously it takes more than a few bucks to make those homes liveable. Still, one can dream. And in the case of British TV royalty Alan Carr and Amanda Holden: two can, too! These besties have spent the past few years renovating cheap homes in Italy, and their latest series sees them off to the south of Spain. They’re mucking in and doing the hard yards and, honestly, I’m green with envy. This is giving me life.

Good American Family

Wednesday, streaming on Disney Plus

Remember that time an American family adopted a child with dwarfism called Natalia, but then it turned out that maybe she wasn’t a child but a fully grown adult? Yeah — they’ve made a drama about it, and Ellen Pompeo stars. You’re going to want to check this one out.

The Residence

Thursday, streaming on Netflix

Murder She Wrote: but make Jessica Fletcher Uzo Aduba. And set it in the White House. And make it an Upstairs Downstairs murder mystery. And have Kylie Minogue (yes THE Kylie Minogue) pop up. Piqued your interest? Of COURSE I have. This is from Shonda Rhimes and is worth a look.

Pride & Prejudice

Streaming on Netflix

Sometimes you just want to watch Keira Knightley in a bonnet and the guy who played Tom Wambsgans from Succession prancing about in a pair of britches. Good news: the 2005 movie iteration of the Jane Austin classic has hit Netflix, so you’re in luck!