Anxiety Aunt: I made a joke about my friend being stingy and he’s taken it to heart, how do I make amends?

Dear Aunty, I recently read an article about baby boomers being stingy and was talking about it with a group of friends (yes, we are all boomers). In the midst of the discussion, I jokingly said to my old friend that he fitted the stereotype. He is well known to be quite tight with his money, and it is not the first time one of us have mentioned it in a joking capacity but for some reason he took it very personally this time and hasn’t spoken to me since, even though I made it clear I was only pulling his leg. What should I do? Yours, Dismayed Dear Dismayed One knows the type you are talking about only too well, my dear. Old Bert Saunders from next door is one of the most miserly people One has ever encountered. He’s so tight with his money that he doesn’t only have moths residing in his wallet, he has a whole ecosystem trapped in there. One has already shared stories of how his contributions to our veranda gin sessions downscaled from tonic to lemons (but only when his tree is in fruit), and then finally he started bringing just ice. Maybe once or twice a year he will arrive with a bottle of gin, grinning from ear to ear as if that twice-annual offering somehow makes up for the fact we power through a bottle a fortnight. One really doesn’t know why One puts up with it. After all, it’s not as if he’s particularly good company with his never-ending tales of woe and his raging hypochondria. If One has to hear one more story about his ingrown toenails, lanced boils or fungal infections, One is going to have to become teetotal. Speaking of which, the other day Bert came over with his usual offering of a tray of ice cubes knowing that your Aunt is struggling One’s way through Dry July. One told him that the decision to dry out was not just an effort to make amends with One’s liver but also a way to save a little money on gin purchases. He just stood there with a petulant frown, trying to blink away his watery eyes while his ice cube tray proceeded to drip all over his moccasins. One couldn’t take the pathetic sight any longer so One finally gave in and made him a gin and tonic. Despite your Aunt regularly writing about Bert and his personality shortcomings, he almost never takes exception to the words. Well, either that or he doesn’t read them, which is also a possibility. Mind you, it’s no different to what comes out of One’s mouth so he’s probably just immune to One’s rants. But back to you, Dismayed. One would suggest the best course of action is to give your wounded friend a bit of time to get over your words as it sounds like he took them to heart even though he has heard it before. Maybe it was a case of the straw that broke the camel’s back or perhaps it has more to do with whatever else he has going on in his life or if he is feeling particularly sensitive. Maybe give it a few weeks then invite him out for coffee or brunch (stipulate that you will pay) and tell him that you have such fondness for him you couldn’t let the matter lie any longer. Flattery is usually the best way to win back the favour of someone whose ego has been wounded so perhaps outline the reasons why you value his friendship, whether it is because of his wit, his caring nature or the fact he’s reliable in a crisis. That should reinforce to him that even if your joke did have an element of truth to it, he has other attributes that make him a treasured friend and more than make up for his miserly ways.