Debbie Childs: Social media ban will only push kids internet use into darkness

When my daughter turned 21, she shared something with me that left me speechless: throughout her teenage years, she had managed to secretly drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes.

Despite the strict age limits on these substances, she found ways around them. I was lucky. She survived those risky years and felt safe enough to tell me eventually, but what if she hadn’t?

Her experience reminds me that while alcohol and cigarettes are prohibited for young people, those prohibitions don’t always stop them from engaging in risky behaviours.

Teenagers are resourceful. And if we think imposing an age limit on social media will keep them off these platforms, we’re fooling ourselves. The reality is, if they want to be online, they’ll find a way, even if it means hiding it from us. This is dangerous.

It’s easy for parents to say, “It’s illegal, so you can’t use social media,” but that won’t stop determined teenagers.

They’ll find workarounds, just like my daughter did with alcohol and cigarettes. And when they start hiding their online behaviour, it opens the door to risks — risks we won’t even see until it’s too late.

The Government’s proposed legislation to impose an age limit on social media access feels like a 20th-century solution to a 21st-century problem.

Many parents might welcome the idea, relieved to have a law on their side when telling their kids no. But we have to ask ourselves — will it actually work? Or will it drive teenagers underground, making their online habits harder to monitor and even more dangerous? History tells us the latter is far more likely.

It’s worth remembering that age limits didn’t stop my daughter from experimenting with alcohol and cigarettes. It did not stop her friends either.

These laws may have given us a sense of control, but they did not stop risky behaviour — they just pushed it into the shadows.

The same will happen with social media if we rely solely on restrictions. And once secrecy sets in, trust is eroded, leaving teenagers navigating the internet on their own, without the support they need from parents and trusted adults.

This brings us to a bigger issue: what is the role of government in all this? Shouldn’t we be focusing on creating systems that support young people’s mental health rather than policing which apps they can use?

Legislation might give the illusion of control, but it does not solve the real problem. When trust between parents and their kids breaks down, teenagers are more likely to suffer from anxiety, loneliness, and depression.

Secrecy and isolation are fertile ground for poor mental health, and if we are not careful, that’s exactly what we’re cultivating by pushing social media use into the dark corners of teenagers’ lives.

Governments and parents who believe age limits are the solution are missing the point.

We need a forward-thinking approach that doesn’t just rely on prohibition. We need to build trust with our kids, encourage open conversations about social media, and give them the tools to navigate it safely.

Schools could play a vital role by teaching digital literacy — not just the dangers of social media, but how to use it in positive, constructive ways.

Rather than relying on legislation, the real work needs to happen in our homes, our schools, and our communities. We need to create an environment where young people feel comfortable talking about their online experiences, both good and bad, without fear of punishment or judgment.

If they can trust us, they’ll turn to us when they need help. If they can’t, they’ll handle their struggles alone, and that’s when the real danger begins.

Social media isn’t going anywhere, and simply banning it by age won’t stop kids from using it.

What we need is a balanced, thoughtful approach that prioritises mental well-being by encouraging open dialogue and trust — not secrecy and fear. Because while legislation might seem like an easy fix, it won’t protect our kids. Only we as parents can do that.

Debbie Childs is CEO of HelpingMinds